Donnerstag, 21. Januar 2010

The office plant

"What have you done to Herman?"

Barbara's voice startles him, and he pours hot coffee over his hands. He curses under his breath and forces himself to produce a smile. "Why, you know I took him home for some fresh soil and fertilizer and a bigger pot. I told you!"

"Yes, but that was - what, a week ago? The office looks so empty without him!"

Herman, this stupid plant... getting him into trouble all the time. Back when he broke of a new leave, two weeks later when he spilled the water over official documents instead of watering the plant, another few days later when Herman keeled and broke the secretary's favorite coffee mug.

"Well, you know, he seems to be doing so good, I thought I'd give him a few more days in my special greenhouse."

Barbara looks at him suspiciously. "You sure?"

"Well, let's be honest... my younger brother is, like, this mad scientist, you know, and he had this special new fertilizer he wanted to try..." He feels Barbara's stare. Sweat starts collecting at the base of his skull, ready to slide down his spine. "Long story. Well, things got a little bit out of hand, and now Herman is a flesh-consuming monster plant and I am desperately trying to find a suitable substitute so no one will notice anything."

Silence.

Barbara looks at him, eyes wide - and starts laughing. "For a moment you almost had me, guy. Stop making up all these stupid stories and get back to work! And don't forget to bring in Herman, it's boring without him."

He grins, waves at her and heads back to his office. Papers waiting for him, as usual.

Later that day, when he returns home after trying to find an adequate substitute for Herman, his cat has disappeared. The office plant stands on the windowsill, and it seems as if it is smiling. A huge, evil plant smile.

"Now, Herman, what have you done this time? Couldn't you wait till I got home with your steaks?"

Stupid brother.

Kommentare:

slommler hat gesagt…

ROFL!!!! I liked this very much!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Deanna Schrayer hat gesagt…

Very funny story. Makes me wonder about one of the plants in our office - it was on its last leg until a certain employee took up residence nearby and suddenly it started growing like mad, though no one ever saw her touch the plant at all. Weird.

Laura Eno hat gesagt…

Oh! Not the cat! Anybody but the cat! Great story BUT NOT THE CAT!!
By the way, did I mention that I love cats? :)

Diandra hat gesagt…

@Laura Eno: Me too! Unfortunately, Herman was not big enough for the Rottweiler yet... (^v^)

Amanda Scotney hat gesagt…

Very funny. There is something sad and straggly about most office plants.

Sam hat gesagt…

Brilliant! Very funny and I like the concept. I must however, echo Laura Eno's comment - NOT THE CAT!! ;)

Michael Solender hat gesagt…

very clever and a good laugh. I have weeds in my garden like Herman...

Chance hat gesagt…

Know one ever suspects the greenery !

Good stuff

mazzz in Leeds hat gesagt…

Haha! Love the huge, evil plant smile :)

~Tim hat gesagt…

Oh, the trouble a little plant can get into! [And forgive me Laura and Sam, but I'm a dog person. It would be well worth sacrificing a few cats to save the Rottweiler.]

livloveslit hat gesagt…

Won't Barbara be surprised?? This was quite funny. Thanks for sharing it! ~ Olivia

Clandestiny hat gesagt…

This is great! Thanks for sharing it, I needed the smile today lol (And don't worry Tim, you're not alone. May the Rottweiler live forever no matter how many cats must end up as plant food! lol)

Chrys hat gesagt…

This is great! Very funny! I too loved the plant's evil smile - nice touch. And I like the mad scientist brother. Looking forward to reading more of your stories :)

PJ hat gesagt…

LOL - this is a very cute story - i can see it now ... another 'little shop of horrors!'