Dienstag, 28. Dezember 2010

The zombie apocalypse

I guess it wasn't such a great idea after all. You know, we had this fan-tas-tic party going on, and Hugh was blitzed out of it. Like dead. Well, wasn't that bad. 'twas his house, after all. We partied on for a while - until the neighbors threatened to call the cops, that is - and then most of us went home. The rest decided to crash on the floor.

And then we had this idea with the ketchup bottle. Or the ketchup bottle fell and gave us that idea. Don't know which way. Suddenly everything was red and sticky. And all the people on the floor. And Marilyn laughed, "It looks like the zombie apocalypse!"

See? That's how it came about. We had fun, gooey stuff everywhere, it was a real mess. Looked really real, I can tell you. We had a blast. And a plan.

I shook Hugh to wake him up. "We got a problem, man! The zombies are here!"

He looked around wild-eyed, brain full of booze. Marilyn hid in the next room, peeping around the door frame, stifling her laughter with a fist in her mouth. I suppressed the urge to grin and said something about checking on the other rooms to make sure we were safe.

Best moment of my life.

Until Terry stirred and Hugh took the baseball bat to his skull. You gotta go for their brains. The zombies', I mean.

Freitag, 17. Dezember 2010


Boy, it's boring in here. And all the fumes! How I hate raspberries. That's what you get for not paying attention to the hole you crawl into for a good day's sleep. Stuck and nauseous.

Well, at least it's better than sitting out in the cold. We never had that much snow where I come from. Not that I miss home... too hot, too dry, and most of all, too boring. Guess I emigrated just in time. Spent some time here, messed around there, visited someplace altogether different. Wasted my youth playing pranks on unsuspecting travelers.

You know what? I had a great time. Especially back in Afghanistan, when that stupid goat herder literally tripped over me. That face!!! Almost popped his eyes out! Only because I was enjoying myself - naked, of course. He recovered soon enough.

People were so easy to scare back then! Nowadays they have TV, internet, all that strange stuff. You have to pull all kinds of tricks to impress them.

I think I'm feeling dizzy. If that hobo doesn't unscrew the bottle soon, his first wish better be that I don't puke all over him. And hey, stop shaking me!

Freitag, 10. Dezember 2010


Everything is dark around me, and although I know there should be light somewhere, I fail to see it. I feel my way using hands and feet, slowly, and I don't even know where I am going. Is this the path I set out to travel? Or have I gotten lost? Maybe I was abducted and left here, part of a strange hunt, mocking the struggle of life? The journey appeared to be easy, in the beginning, before the twists and turns and dead ends.

I imagine wild beasts lurking in the dark that is my everyday life, and try not to run. Running when you can't see where you are going is probably a bad idea. Still, there is no light.

If there were trees, they would be closing in on me now.